Gibberish.

Dear friend,


Times have been a bit rough lately, so I thought that "journaling" would be therapeutic.



*bitter laughter*



Me?!?
Need therapy?!?!



Friend, I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but I have decided that this blog is going to be truthful. I feel like most of the time, I have to hide what I'm thinking and feeling to the general public. This frusterates me sometimes. I mean, what I'm thinking normally isn't bad, or sinful; it's just... different. And where I live, it's dangerous to be different. So, I'm stuck having to decide whether to be accpeted or stay true to what I believe, and actually express my thoughts. The thing is, is that I don't care whether my community accepts me or not. That is, except when I'm lonely. Or made fun of. Or excluded. Other than those times, I could be expelled from the social groups of my small town and it wouldn't bother me at all.

That's why I want to go out of state for college. You see, I haven't told any of my friends yet that I don't want to go to school in my home state. Heck, I haven't even told my father! I'm sure that there are open minded people in many places throughout this state. I've even met a few of them here in this podunk place. But that's not the point. There will be open minded people everywhere. At least, I hope so. I'm going to find out.

There's this song that my little sister loves to play. I think it's by Augustina, or something. Anyways, the song's name is Boston. And I can really relate to the message of the song. My understanding is that the girl in the song wants to leave California and go to Boston, and start a new life, where "no one knows my name". It's not that I want to be a stranger in a foreign place, it's that I want to start over. I don't want to ignore my past, or forget the present, I just want a new place to have good memories in.

I grew up in a mansion, I guess you could say. What I didn't have in stability, I guess I made up for in money. Don't get me wrong, I have a few good childhood memories. But I also have the memories that are branded into your brain, and you can never forget. Memories that intrude into your thought process, memories that will never leave you. Basically, I want to leave the surroundings that some of my memories took place at.

I don't want you to think that I let these memories take over my life, dear friend. At some points in time, they did control my life, I'll admit it. But not now. I'm a big girl. And I know the "right things to say".

You know when you're at church, and the minister asks the Bible study groups questions, he always excepts "church answers". Well, not only am I "blessed" to know the correct "church answers" to say to difficult questions, I also know the correct ways of thinking, accroding to my therapist.

Yea, I have a therapist. I meant to bring that up later. Most people are scared of me when they hear I have a theapist. Or they are fascinated by it. I try not to bring it up much. It's not that I'm ashamed of it or anything, I just don't think most kids my age can handle the fact that I'm in therapy maturly.

Now, I'm not perfect and mature 100% of the time either, but I have had a lot of life experince. What's more than that, is that I've learned from my experiences too.

Anyways, this is getting awfully lengthy and I'm sure that you're getting bored.

Thanks for reading.

Love always,

Sara