The Catcher in the Rye.

Dear Friend,

Today has potential to be a productive day. I'm not going to school today mainly because of the breakdown I had during 5th hour yesterday. That wasn't good. So, I will spend the majority of my day today riding with my mother up to Shreveport for a doctor's appointment. It's a bit frusterating that we drive for 2 hours for a 30 minute appointment, but I guess it's worth it. My old doctor called me a "spoiled brat" last time I saw him. My current doctor has good bed side manners, and is extremely intelligent. Plus, he has an autographed picture of Oprah Winfrey in one of his offices!

I hope I don't cry today. Lately, when I've been sad, I haven't been crying, but sobbing. That takes a lot of engery out of me. Also, crying doesn't solve anything. Sometimes after I cry, I feel cleansed from my saddness. Lately, after I cry, I just feel tired.

January/February have always been difficult months for me. I don't know why. Maybe it's something in the air.

Yesterday, during my lunch hour, I spent it in an office by the freshman guidance counsler's office, weeping. I weeped at school for about half an hour. Two of my special ed teachers checked on me, and then my ENGLISH teacher checked on me. That made me very sad. I admire her so much, and she saw me at my weakest moment. And she cared about me! And I don't even contribute to the class' conversations! (That's because I'm too scared, but that is also besides the point...) I would like to be an English professor at a college when I grow up.

At times like these, I remind myself of Holden Caufield. You know, the main character in Catcher in the Rye. That's my AR book for the six weeks, and I have yet to finish it. I love that book. I haven't finished it because I find it sad, and right now I can be sad enough on my own without reading it.

Holden suffers from severe depression, just like me. Holden has intrusive memories about things he wishes he could change, just like me. Holden is sometimes suicidal, just like me. Holden gets sadder when happy things occur, just like me. Holden spends lots of money to try to get himself happier when he's sad, just like me. Holden is just like me.

Well, mother has awoken, and it's about time for my day to offically start.

Thanks for reading.

Love always,
Sara